Cocktails: Natures Seductive Ninjas
Thailand.
Now this was the part of the trip I enjoyed most of all, finally some relaxing. I knew Thailand was going to be different to Penang the moment I walked onto the beach and could see no less than 8 boobs (that’s right, 4 topless girls for those with poor maths skills) and bikinis as far as the eye could see (as opposed to burkas in the pool I’d become accustomed to). I was home. It was all just beers, beach, cocktails and topless British blondes on the beach. I Loved it.
Until this Asian Adventure I’d never really had a cocktail before. Sure, a sip here, a taste there but I’ve not ever gone into a bar and ordered up a round of Illusions for me and my mates. I know they’re yummy but I just drank beers, that’s all, it’s all I knew and I was happy with that. But when you are staying in a country where cocktails are cheaper than beers (and beers are cheaper than water) why not partake in a cocktail or two?
The first night I played it quite safe and stayed in the lower end of the cocktail pool (literal cocktail pool too) and was ordering a Tom Collins. A Tom Collins is simply a gin, lime and soda, quite refreshing on a sweaty afternoon (side note: The origins of the Tom Collins drink are quite interesting and can be found here). So while Elle worked her way through an array of flavours and colours I played it cool with my Tom Collins. For whatever reason this gave the barman great delight and with each Tome Collins he upped the amount of gin until the last one was no less that 80% gin. As I took a sip and recoiled my face in disgust he was heard to burst out in laughs from behind the bar.
The next night I became more adventurous and jealous of Elle’s coconuts. Under the guise of ordering for two, one was for my girlfriend who had yet to finishing her last, I worked my way through no less than 10 cocktails in about an hour, all the shapes and sizes I could find. Ones that were on fire, ones served in whole coconuts and ones that would make even Don Draper purse his lips.
Despite drinking so much I wasn’t really feeling any effects. Perhaps a bit silly about having a blue tongue, but that’s about it. How wrong I was. I call cocktails natures seductive ninjas because they use their being delicious and colourful to distract unsuspecting victims from the fact you can drink them quickly and get quite drunk off them. How many times have you heard someone take a sip of a lovely daquarie and say:
“You can’t even taste the alcohol?”
Famous last words. Next thing you know they’re stumbling back out of the disabled toilets, their panties in their purse while some guy is following out behind her doing up his fly.
When I stood up to go to the toilet after my cocktail innings I nearly fell right over as the fruity alcohol shot through my body. I had been seduced.
Now, almost a month later, I think it’s pretty safe to say that I am addicted to Pina Colada’s. I’ve made them for myself and Elle almost every weekend since we got back and I can’t see stopping any time soon. I can only hope to keep my addiction in check and not end up in a disabled toilet some place.
