The Final Insult Cute girl: Hi. Me: Hey. Cute girl: You trying to grow a mo for Movember? Me: Not trying, succeeding. Cute girl: That? Nah, you’ll get there but that’s no mo, I get more off when I get my lip waxed. Me: But… It’s November 27th! If it’s not there yet it won’t…
The Dentist Dentist: Alright, just put your head back and open your mouth wide. Me: aighhh (speaking with my mouth wide open) Dentist: Oh my god! Me: Wha?! Dentist: I’ve never seen anything like this. Me: Huh? Dentist: It’s horrible! Me: Wha wha!? Dentist: It’s… some sort of growth on your lip… Me: … huh?…
The Men’s Room I am at the urinal doing my business when a man walks in sporting an awesome mustache and begins using the urinal next to me. Me: Wow, that’s awesome! Him: Pardon? Me: I wish I could get mine to grow as long and thick as that. Him: What!? Me: You get much…
Some time a few years ago I was experiencing a slightly sore left nut, sorry, testicle (to keep it medical). It seemed higher than normal and was more uncomfortable than anything. So, despite how awkward it felt, I did the right thing went to the doctor. The man doctor (phew) told me to take off…
Penang, Malaysia Some people travel with a sense of freedom and adventure. Every hiccup is a lesson learned and nothing can go wrong because it’s all part of the experience. Others, like myself, travel the world thinking everyone is trying to mug you, drug you or steal your organs. No, I’m not one of those…
Singapore By far the most efficient airport I’ve ever experienced. We were off the plane, through customs and in a cab to the hotel before I knew what had happened. My favourite part was at the baggage claim. There was a driver waiting for someone holding a sign up for a “Mr Yap”. I immediately…
So, for the last two years my girlfriend has been trying to kill me. No she isn’t poisoning my cereal. Nor is she cutting my brake lines. No, she is going a much more subtle route. She keeps taking me, a fair-skinned ginger to the hottest, sunniest part of the world that is Tropical Asia….
When will I learn? I can not stand out in the sun. In fact, I shouldn’t go outside during the day, period. Boxing day 2006 In Newcastle, the only place to be on Boxing Day is at the famous Newcastle Boxing Day Races. It’s a day in the middle of summer where girls wear as…
